I didn’t realize how empty I was til you packed up all of your things and left.

I’m not even the shell of the man I used to be when with you..you took that too. 

I’m just the bones of what used to feel like a home, decaying by the second.

The creaking my bones make in the wind is my soul saying everything I couldn’t.

Late Night Ramblings of an Insomniac

Chaos. To others, it is a disjointing nuisance. An untamed havoc running amok.

To me, it’s warmth. It’s a hug. I’ve never been close to my mother, so forgive me when I say that it is what I perceive their love to be. It’s consistent. It won’t let you down. In a sea of blinding whiteness, it is a little speck that if anywhere else would have been nothing but being there made it your everything. That speck befriended your very soul.

Chaos is my anchor. It keeps me tethered to this world. Where my skin and flesh fail, it’s static molds itself around my soul and keeps my form. To think that we aren’t so different from balloons.

If I’m the air in the balloon,
Chaos’ static is the balloon,
and it is the string…

Who is holding the string?
Who has chaos in their grip,
in the palm of their hands?
Hmmmm…

For your own good…

She takes pride in her comb-snapping crown of naps. You should see the devilish grin she bares when the curious reach to touch her finger traps. Her kinky curls tighten it’s coil and start to rattle, almost like it’s warning them. Step back! Her eyes deaden but her smile widens, she calms herself. This was the 531st last time before she would snap. Her fake smile and glare would do the job anyway, they’ve left many broken and fearful in their wake. With her beauty deemed exotic she doesn’t know if she’s caged in their zoo or on a pedestal in a museum. Don’t touch still applies in either setting.

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I strain my mind thinking of you. Knowing you is a heavy burden. One quick look and I wanted to safe guard everything that made you who you are. If given the chance, I would litter this world with everything that makes you smile. I’d tame the things that made you cry, but knowing you is understanding that sometimes you need to cry even if you don’t know why. I mourn the idea that you won’t last forever. Each day becomes bittersweet. Everything I am begs for everything you are, my eyes ache for your smile. If your touch could be bottled, it would bring about a new prohibition. Good liquor couldn’t warm the spots you do, and I’ve never been this drunk..and to think it’s only from thoughts of you.

I wish no man to break your heart, but if need be…

For you, I’ll be the bad guy.

Pain and heartache are life’s gifts just as love and joy are.

My selfish desire to never see you unhappy or hurt shouldn’t rob you of those.